In my shoes, a walking sleep

Jul. 21st, 2017 04:55 pm
kore: (Brain fail)
[personal profile] kore
My memory has been even more blitzed since the news of Bennington's suicide (sorry, everyone I was commenting with) so today, I apparently double-dosed every single med I take. There are quite a few. (Two antidepressants, one mood stabilizer, two acid reducers, baby aspirin, an NSAID, blah, fucking blah....)


I guess in a couple of hours, I'll be hypomanic/super-stable, all chronic pain will be totally gone and my sinuses will be extra SUPER clean! XDDDDDDD

(if brains are so fucking important you'd think they'd work right)
kore: (Orpheus & Eurydice)
[personal profile] kore
MOI: Hey I feel less soul-crushingly depressed, let's see if I can make it from the bed to the sofa.


MOI: //would set shit on fire if not glued to couch

Everybody's sharing that "Hunger Strike" duet but I can't fucking listen to that right now, although they both look so joyful, it just breaks my heart. Been listening to this on repeat instead.

One promise you made
One promise that always remains
No matter the price
A promise to survive
Persevere and thrive
And dare to rise once more

and this one made me feel a little less crap.

spiralsheep: Flowers (skywardprodigal Cog Flowers)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
Rah rah rust, Zombie cheerleader, Lego monsters

- Ethics and a beneficial side effect of the NHS, which arose in my last post (due to via_ostiense's contribution) and is worth top posting imo: one of the benefits of freely available healthcare, especially accident and emergency care, is that normal everyday social interactions such as true accidents are prevented from immediately becoming acrimonious attempts by injured people in mild shock to assign blame to a legally evidential degree. Freely available healthcare = more social cohesion + fewer street incidents needing police attention (= also bad for the income of ambulance-chasing lawyers). I bet it's rare for the social and economic benefits of accidents being agreed to be accidental to be calculated into the value of a National Health Service and other forms of socialised medicine!

- Quote from my current reading for jesse_the_k: "The place Gorsch rented was a shack, really, and in those days shacks were truly shacks." [It's 2015 fanfic but traditionally published as a novel without filing the serial numbers off because the original went out of copyright in 2011.]

- Reading, books 2017: 68

57. Eleven root poems (Undici poesie radice), by Tiziano Fratus, 2000-2017, poetry. (3/5)

• So, firstly I note that that Dōgen was a Japanese Zen Buddhist philosopher and poet whose work is still extremely influential. Secondly I note that in Japanese aesthetics "rust", sometimes synonymous with "patina", is not only decay through time and interaction with environment but also a visual and tactile connection with the history of an object and the past more generally, so a narrow Western perception of "rust" exclusively as corruption often fails to encompass the full connotations within traditional Japanese culture (which shouldn't detract from the following poem as an object in its own cultural place and time, obv).

Parola di Dōgen, by Tiziano Fratus

Alla fine della giornata,
mi sono seduto al centro del vuoto:
ho lasciato che l’IO
a cui tanto avevo lavorato si arrugginisse.
Vedevo che l’acqua corrompeva,
ma smisi di preoccuparmene.
L’uomo che si era seduto
non si è più rialzato

English translation. )

In which there is the June Book, 1971

Jul. 18th, 2017 10:13 am
spiralsheep: Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society (Sewing Circle Terrorist Society)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
52. June Book, 1971, annual, comic, girls own. Characterised by many reprints from previous decades. It's telling about the general quality when the old fashioned moralising of The Golden Ballet Shoes was my favourite story! (3/5)

• 2 Illustrated rhyming calendar.

• 3-10 Lucky's Living Doll comic: a Christmas hijinks story, with witchcraft as a positive influence! :-D

• 11-17 Deadline for Danger short story: posh French girl resists the Nazis. Didn't read due to my requirement for anti-Nazi stories in 2017 involving more about contemporary neo-Nazis and related fascists, although I'm sure these stories were more relevant to earlier generations. ::wryface::

• 18-19 Puzzle Pages.

• 20-23 Spring Summer Autumn Winter feature: seasonal fashion and beauty tips.

• 24-31 I was Cinderella comic: our anti-heroine is unfair to her new stepmother, and then runs away to her old Nanny, while the stepmother tries extra hard because she was abused as a child.

• 32 Bunches illustrated verse: about a little girl who wants to grow her hair.

• 33-37 Bessie Bunter comic: "Your plump chum goes exploring space!"

Bessie Bunter in Space, June Book, annual 1971

Contents and one scan. )

(no subject)

Jul. 17th, 2017 04:05 pm
kore: (Prozac nation)
[personal profile] kore
MOI: Life is a confusing huge chaotic system, the internet is undermining everyone's attention span and especially mine, global politics is a horrible Roman circus, global warming will kill us all, I can't think coherently in sentences anymore

T: ....did you remember to take your sertraline and oxcarbazepine before 3 PM?


(I should really take one of each in the morning and again in the late afternoon, but LOL I can barely remember to take ALL my pills once a day in a huge bolus, good fucking luck to my continued existence if my body ever depends on taking different medication at different times during the same day)
spiralsheep: I have a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel (boz4pm Blackadder Cunning Plan)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
- St Levan's church with coffin rest, stone seats, and old churchway cross, in Penwith, Cornwall.

St Levan's church with coffin rest, stone seats, and old churchway cross, Cornwall 05-17

St Levan's stone, Cornwall 05-17

1865 folklore meets 2017 empirical experiment. )

- Reading, books 2017: 67

53. The Little Shop of Happy Ever After, by Jenny Colgan, 2016, novel. This is pure wish fulfilment, chick lit fantasy ← please note that this is an accurate description not a negative judgment, lol. (3.5/5)

• Irony in a book about finding a new life, lol: She'd read lots of books about people finding new lives, which hadn't helped her mood either, had made her feel more and more trapped and stuck where she was, as if everyone except her was managing to get away and do interesting things.

• Our heroine sets off from urban Birmingham to rural Scotland: "armed with the Lark Rise to Candleford trilogy as well as the entire Outlander series [...]". Lol.

• I admit I'm not warming to a protag who picks up a large van she's never driven before, in a rural area she's never driven in before, with no map or prep, and then knowingly and deliberately drives onto a level crossing with the warning lights active, and nearly causes an accident that would have killed at least three people and possibly many more (if the fuel tankers had exploded), AND THEN tries to blame the accident on a wild deer instead of taking responsibility herself.

• So if you're wondering why I'm still reading: Surinder put her empty coffee cup down on a quivering pile of Regency romances, which promptly collapsed on the floor in a fainting fit.

And another thing... or four.... )
spiralsheep: Reality is a dangerous concept (babel Blake Reality Dangerous Concept)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
- A very important moral dilemma, erm, from the chicklit I'm reading, lol. So, the scenario is that a mother with a young child at hand and another in a "buggy" stumbles on steps and accidentally lets go of the buggy which descends the steps and is halted, it's implied fortunately for the occupant but never overtly stated, by crashing into a 20-something woman lower down, who stands up again but has a bleeding cut on her forehead. She's with a male friend. They appear affluent enough to have mobile phones, and either access to a car or taxi money. The mother of the children thanks the injured woman but then goes about her business. The injured woman complains that the parent is behaving unacceptably ungratefully because she didn't try to buy the injured woman an ice cream / coffee / whatever. My burning question is this: do you think the mother failed in her duty to materially reward the accidental saviour of her child? Because I admit that my reaction in that situation would be to assume the injured woman would want to seek medical attention for her facial wound and that slowing her down would range between thoughtlessness and irresponsibility (taking into account the fact she has a friend with her, otherwise I might intrude enough to suggest she should seek medical attention and ask if she needs help with that). Is this one of those situations where logic-driven practicality is a socially unacceptable response because material reward is an assumed normative behaviour? Or is the injured character's reaction and possibly also the author odd? /biased question, obv

- Twenty minutes in Newton Abbot between buses looks like this: an impressive zebra crossing, a gorilla named Francis, a library being literally propped up, and the entrance to a cattle market (bonus pub called the Swan Inn featuring Daffy Duck on their sign).

NA1 Impressive zebra crossing, Newton Abbot 05-17

Three more small images. )
kore: (Default)
[personal profile] kore
Nelsan's father has bravely agreed for me to share the circumstances of Nelsan's heart failure. Nelsan has suffered with drug and alcohol abuse for years. After many stints in rehab, Nelsan attempted to withdraw from alcohol on his own. According to his father, during his withdrawal from alcohol he had a blood infection, his kidneys shut down, his liver was swollen, his blood pressure plummeted, and his dear sweet heart raced out of control. (via)


But addicts don't need treatment covered by health insurance, right? We can kick it with, IDEFK, fairy dust and willpower.
spiralsheep: Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society (Sewing Circle Terrorist Society)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
51. June annual, 1968, comic, girls own. I noticed a "men are a bit useless at doing the things that rly matter like child rearing and home making so that's why women have to do those" theme which isn't so obvious in most of the girls own comics from the 1970s onwards with which I'm more familiar. (3/5)

• 2-3 calendar.

• 4-11 Zanna and the Golden Cubs comic: white female Tarzan in the "deep African jungle" (somewhere): "I Zanna, Queen of the forest, demand to know."

• 12-16 Calling Nurse Jones short story: nurse brings about family reconciliation between a patient and his stuck-up mother. Features a pop group called The Weirdies, lol.

• 17 crossword puzzle.

• 18-24 Lucky's Living Doll comic: long-running story about a girl called Lucky and Tina her sentient doll. In this episode Tina plays at being SuperDoll and is mistaken for a rare bird and then a ghost!

Contents and four scans. )

gang aft fucking a-gley

Jul. 11th, 2017 03:25 am
kore: (BADLY WRITTEN - GalaxyQuest)
[personal profile] kore
OUR HEROINE: I'm going to write a sequel to that Stucky metal arm fisting fic! It's going to be porny and fun!

FIRST LINE: //arrives


FIC: //takes a turn off to the left and is presently 1200 porn-free words of broody Angsty angst

OUR HEROINE: no wait

FIC: //more angsty, less porn, even more words

spiralsheep: Flowers (skywardprodigal Cog Flowers)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
- Potential fic prompt: I was recently asked to give feedback for an event I was informed I had attended in 2107. Time travel, immortality, or an active old age?

- Send lawyers, guns, and money... it's the Ledbury Poetry Festival in bullet points:
• I'm still recommending watching the films Paterson, and Neruda, for differing reasons.
• I recommend you read Ana Blandiana's poetry (in translation).
• Watch Inua Ellams perform in An Evening With an Immigrant, which will be on tour as far away as the Edinburgh fringe and Sydney Opera House. \o/
• See Roy McFarlane reading his poetry live. He is a rock who rocks.
Bonus gossip: due to travelling from Ireland to England unprepared for a heatwave, Rita Ann Higgins had to borrow some clothes and reputedly completed her poetry reading while wearing her B&B landlady's dead mother's shoes! A poem in the making? :-D
• Many of these bullet points can be confirmed or denied at the Ledbury Poetry Festival podcast page although they're not all uploaded yet so you might need to check back in a week or two.
• P.S. Stairs and Whispers, D/deaf and Disabled Poets Write Back exists and I haven't read it yet but the stairs / stares pun lifts it into my good books. ::puns::

- Reading, books 2017: 62

55. Neither silver nor gold (Ne srebro ne zlato), by Veronika Dintinjana, 2008-2016, poetry in Slovenian. Difficult to find quotable extracts. (3/5)

56. from Chameleon (van Kameleon), by Charlotte Van den Broeck, 2015-2016, poetry in Flemish. (4/5)

Stierenkop, by Charlotte Van den Broeck

Sinds ik geboren ben, woedt er in de onderbuik van mijn moeder
een enorme stierenkop. Hij raast door haar verlaten lijf

Two Flemish poems with English translations. )
kore: (a far green country under a swift sunris)
[personal profile] kore
I saw that Nelsan Ellis had died at thirty-nine, from complications of heart failure, and immediately thought of this:

I see their names and hold my breath. You do this when you’re a 40-something hip-hop head and you’ve glimpsed the name of an M.C. your age trending in the news. Once it might have meant tawdry scandal or legal shenanigans. Now, too often, it means someone’s been struck down. Not by bullet or blade. But by illness.

It’s like watching the return path of a deadly boomerang from our youth. That projectile picked off a cohort of young black boys via gunshot and incarceration. Now it’s having a second go around at those it missed via our blood and bones.
spiralsheep: Captain Scarlet is the god of redshirts (spiralsheep Captain Scarlet Redshirt God)
[personal profile] spiralsheep
- Screen readers: I hope this goes without saying but if you need to access my journal via a screen reader and I habitually post in a format that causes your assistive technology hiccups then tell me and I'll try to mend my ways. I'm aware I use some old text tags, and some idiosyncratic idiolectical constructions, and that either might be difficult for some screen readers to interpret but I don't know if this is a particular problem for any of you.

- What are your favourite seaweed snacks? I'm having subclinical hypothyroid problems and prefer not to resort to kelp tablets, although I'm aware they're an option, and my diet is already generally pro-thyroid but I stopped eating seaweed when I moved here apart from occasional indulgences in supermarket sushi so I've lost touch with what types of yummy seaweed snacks are available for my delectation and, alas, the local shops don't stock laverbread (hmm, although now I'm tempted to pay t'interwebz to deliver a jar to my doorstep). Suggestions?

- Do you prefer grated or sliced cheese in sandwiches? I have a strong preference for grated whenever the logistics allow.

Grated cheese loving SCUM

I ask because I recently saw John Hegley perform and he made an excellent joke about tolerance, through the illustrative medium of cheese sandwiches. :-D

Imitation is the sincerest form of fromagerie, by spiralsheep

In reference
to my preference
in my head
for grated cheese,
and also in my bread
where a slice
tastes less nice,
I heard John Hegley's voice from above
calling, "SCUM!"
But I
silently reply,
"Don't neg me,
respect my cheese choice,

Confession: although I intended to see John Hegley, I initially accidentally ended up in a different venue where there was an event covering the history of feminism... so I snuck out the back and off to see John Hegley, lol. Quote from his show: "People with teaching difficulties." Lolololol! \o/

OK it's not quite 10K

Jul. 8th, 2017 03:20 am
kore: (And to the fire-eyed maid of smoky war)
[personal profile] kore
Holding you up to the sun (9178 words) by actonbell
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America (Comics)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes
Additional Tags: Steve Rogers's Birthday, Belated Steve Birthday fic, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Fisting, Anal Fisting, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Porn with Feelings, Hand Jobs, hand kissing

"Didn't you ever think about -- "

"Putting the fist of HYDRA up Captain America's ass? No, I can honestly say I never thought -- "

"Not that, Jesus Christ....Didn't you ever -- you know, try jerking yourself off with it? Fingering yoursel....?"

"Maybe, once or twice!" Bucky snapped, exasperated. "Sure! Like I told you, it's cold, it's metal, I have bad memories of strangling people with it. Kind of kills the mood." His smile was sharp and ugly.

Steve reached out with his left hand and traced the raised seam again, so gently he could barely feel the brutal join between flesh and metal. "Let's make some good ones, then. Please."

Bucky shut his eyes tight and shook his head. "You're fucking corny, Rogers. You know that? You were corny in 1933 and 1943 and you're corny now."

"That doesn't sound like a no," Steve said, hope springing up inside despite him fighting it, something painful.

"No, it's not a no. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ. When have I ever said no to you?"

"You told me not to go to war," Steve said.

The title is from the Doomtree song "Heavy Rescue," which was almost the title, but I wanted something more upbeat.

They tried to attack you
They tried too late
We’re waiting on the storm to hide the wake
Bringing you up to the surface
Dragging you up to the shore
Holding you up to the sun like "Is this yours?"
It’s yours

Dessa's verse was almost the epigraph:

Whitecaps break above us but at the bottom it stays calm
Just the rising tides can touch us
Just lift you up and set you down
But danger is as danger does
There’s a motor in the water and it’s coming for us
And I can smell the gasoline, smell the rust
But I can’t move fast enough away
Break, make for the deep end
Don’t wait for me
Cause I’ll be damned if they get another
Just to catch and
Catch and release

That seems a little more CA:CW to me, though, and this is definitely a TWS fic.


No idea where this came from really. Well, I wanted to write birthday fic for Steve. Happy birthday Steve! Now I'm going to bed. I went over it with two spellcheck programs (bah) and proofread it but if there are any errors/typos feel free to let me know, I loathe those things. I also feel like I'm leaving out some tags, but couldn't think which. "Metal arm kink"? "Steve Rogers is a kinky bastard"?
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